


The Final Debate

by Tezca



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Gen, Humor, Vamp!Hillary, Vampires, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8412148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: Another run in of the two candidates in a hotel after the final debate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a dumb silly little vampire AU crackfic lol I got encouraged to write this by Psi_Fi.

There was something to be said about a pissed off vampire, it was something most people(people that weren’t vampires), usually put under the “Definitely the most stupidest, quickest way to end your life” list. And most of them are smart enough to abide this little rule of thumb. If any of them happened to be running for President then it should be given that they should be aware and smart enough as far as politicians go to not say anything that would piss off the vampire voters and alienate them, potentially starting an angry mob of the undead.

Unless of course said Presidential candidate was Republican nominee Donald Trump who has continued to show no regrets for insulting vampires everywhere and proudly proclaiming that the Twilight saga was the best movies ever. The third and final debate was no exception where he flat out claimed Hillary had an evil vampire agenda where humans would be enslaved and be used as nothing more as food among other things.

“...I mean did you hear what that orange faced lunatic just called me during the debate?!” Hillary made sure to keep her voice down while venting off to her pick for vice president, she didn't want to be so loud that everyone outside the room would hear. She was pacing around in a nearby room just letting it out to whoever followed her into the nearby secluded room. Which luckily for everyone involved really, her choice for vice president was the one that quickly followed after while Bill got caught up with reporters to field questions along the way.

“Yes I have, I think the entire world did. Not a smart move calling you a nasty bloodsucking heathen.” Tim replied, watching her quite amaze that she hasn’t resorted to demonstrating her vampire strength on the inanimate objects in the room. He was fairly certain he would’ve accidentally broken a table or two if the roles were reversed

“You’re telling me. Its painfully obvious he doesn’t know what he’s doing! Frankly I’m surprised I didn’t lash out out there on live tv,” Hillary said honestly, stopping in her tracks to face Tim.

“That would be a nightmare in terms of your public image if you ended up sucking his blood out there. It would just reinforce the negative stereotypical image your kind have. And completely tank your political image.”

Hillary nods and took a calming breath before speaking again. He had a good point, better that the closest thing she got to reacting was suppressing her urge to bare her fangs and hiss at him, “To be honest a part of me is really close to doing something about it. I mean not anything that would be against his will,..”

“Of course.”

“Just enough to intimidate him, give him a bit of a taste of what us vamps can do.”

“With all due respect I don’t think even that’s gonna deter him. He’ll just use it as evidence to his harebrained, insane claims he has about you and vampires. He won’t listen to you or anyone really.”

“I know, that’s what makes this so infuriating!” Hillary vented out a bit suddenly, the effects of the calming breath not lasting long as she accidentally slammed her fist on the table and breaking a small but noticeable piece of it off, “Do you know what it’ll have to be in order for his stupid claim of a vampire agenda to even make one iota of sense?! You would have to be a vampire along with at least the majority of Congress.”

“That...yeah pretty much,” Tim said agreeing with her statement and taking a glance at the broken table pieces on the floor before back at her. Hillary seems to have noticed as well since she blushes red a bit from embarrassment. She would have to quietly sent a check for replacing the table and a note of apology later. She picks up the broken pieces and sets them on the table while Tim suggested an idea, “You could do the intimidating thing at night as a bat or something, Trump won’t exactly know it’s you and he’ll most likely think it was some random pissed off vampire.”

“No that won’t work,” Hillary states with a weary sigh, gazing at him. She did very much appreciated Tim trying to help, and grateful that he was in the room with her. The smell of his blood was having a calming effect on her. She can 100% say that Tim’s blood is more tempting in comparison than Donald’s, plus the idea of sinking her fangs into her rival in the race to feed is a quick way to make a dash to the nearest bathroom. “He’ll claim it’s strong evidence that we’re nothing more than bloodsucking monsters.”

“Well to be fair darling we pretend to be bloodsucking monsters during kinky sexy fun times,” Bill quips having just entered the room in time to hear the last part of the sentence. He laughs with a soft, easygoing smile while Hillary shot him a look that said TMI.Tim, meanwhile, just looks at them awkwardly for a few seconds. 

“Bill!”

“Relax honey,” He said with a light laugh before he saw the broken part of the table and looks back at her, “Trump got to you?”

“Little bit yes,” She admitted, “I’m still a bit surprised at myself at how composed I was out there. I’m happy about that, but surprised.”

“I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you did reacted more at him honey. Here why don’t we go back to the hotel and you can forget about Trump over a few drinks at the bar.”

“That’s a good idea, I think we all can use a drink or two. And you can certainly feed on me if you need too.” Tim said as they began to walk on out of the room and towards the doors.

“Thanks Tim,” Hillary said with a thankful smile, There was a lot of reasons why she picked Tim to be her Vice President, the fact that he was generous and helpful was definitely one of them. The night went smoothly, drinks were had and 30 minutes after they arrived at the bar, they decided to go to their hotel rooms. Or rather Hillary and Time were, Bill decided to have one more drink so he told his wife that he’ll be up in a bit.

Everything was still going fine, nothing too eventful until they made it onto their floor and Hillary stopped in her tracks while halfway to their rooms. She can smell the faint wisps of garlic in the air. Garlic, as told by lores, was said to repel vampires. To bad garlic doesn’t actually work in reality..

“Oh great I share the floor with the crooked bloodsucker,” Donald muttered to himself, standing near the elevators in the corridor.

“I can still hear you,” Hillary said matter of factly, she rolled her eyes after turning around to face him. She can’t help but still feel annoyed after how the debate has transpired, and the fact that he had garlic on him, was Trump really that sucked into the negative image of vampires and the fear it usually instills? Of course he would, he is Donald Trump after all.

“Ack don’t do that! You know I don’t like it when you use your freaky vampire powers on me!” Donald said all startled, jumping up into the air a bit.

It was Tim’s turn to roll his eyes, “She can’t turn off her vampiric hearing and you know it. Also garlic? Really…..”

“Shut up. It's to protect me during the night from her and her kind, and if you were smart you would have some too.” Donald said, bringing out two baggies filled with garlic to show him. Hillary just stood in the same spot, next to Tim and not at all bothered by the smell

“I think you got that backwards Mr. Trump, I’m not the one acting all paranoid around a group of people. And you do realize that garlic doesn’t actually work right?”

“Wrong! You are wrong, you are a liar Mr. Kaine. Everybody knows that garlic is one of the best ways to protect yourself from the bloodsucking undead. I’ve done my research, hours of it”

“Twilight doesn’t count as research.” Tim quipped which just served to get a rise out of the other man.

“Hey, don’t knock down Twilight! Stephanie Meyer is extremely knowledgeable about vampires!”

Hillary couldn’t help but burst out laughing at what Donald just said. He just shot her a glare in response, She ended up laughing for a good two minutes before regaining her composure enough to form words after she wiped away some tears of laughter, “Oh god that felt good after tonight, thanks for that at least. But really garlic has been proven to not work on vampires. At all.”

“Liar! You just want me to be vulnerable so you and your vampires cronies can attack me when I least expect it! This is another evidence of your nasty habit of lying!”

“Oh my god,” Hillary muttered her herself in amusement as she rolled her eyes before giving Donald a “really?” look. 

“I know my stuff about vampires Hillary like how you all can sparkle in the sunlight.”

Hillary let out another laugh in disbelief, “You think we can sparkle? Tim have I ever sparkled to your recollection?” Hillary asked Tim, glancing at him before back at Donald.

Tim shook his head with a confident smile, “Nope madam you have never literally sparkled in the sunlight in my presence.”

“Liar!” Donald reiterated before looking at Tim, “And you are a traitor to humankind and America for helping Hillary and her husband for covering up the truth!”

“Oh I’m a traitor now...that’s new.” Tim deadpans dismissively. “Enlighten us on the truth then Mr. Trump?”

“I’ll just prove it instead!” Donald persisted, holding one of the bags out in the air between them. It was more amusing really to the two Democrats to see a grown man so stubborn with his own misinformed views. Well that and annoying in equal parts really. “I got all the repellants I need to keep you and your bloodsucking kind at a safe distance Hillary.”

“Well you’re already a natural repellant to be honest.” Hillary said, crossing her arm with a quiet frank tone of voice, “No vampire wants to feed on you willingly. In fact the thought of me sinking my fangs into your suntanned skin is giving me nausea right about now.”

“That’s not true! They’ll be honored to have the chance to suck my blood! But it's not gonna happen because I’m not allowing any of you undead heathens to drink it!”

“It’s a mutual agreement then. Not even I want to sink my fangs into your skin and I don’t even have any,” Tim stated earnestly with a grin. His reply also got Hillary to let out a soft laugh.

“Oh shut up! You’ll love to have the opportunity if you were one of them. Now where was I?”

“You were going to demonstrate your oh so effective ways of keeping us afar,” Hillary flatly reminded him.

“Oh right,” Donald replied before taking out a garlic from the bag and tossed it towards Hillary. She effortlessly caught and made no signs of discomfort, just standing there to the bewilderment of Donald. Tim was silently laughing inside, too bad Bill wasn’t here yet he thought, he would find this hilarious,

Donald threw another garlic at her and still had a dumbfounded look on his face when Hillary caught that too with no pain or anything, “What the hell?...”

“Told you, doesn’t work.” Hillary pointed out again.

“Ugh fine! I got other things on me that’ll definitely work,” Donald said as he put the bag back in his suit jacket and took out a flashlight. “Aha!” He exclaimed before he turned it on and shined it at Hillary’s face while using Sander’s slogan as his choice of a one-liner. “Fill the Bern haha.” 

Tim couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his usage of a campaign slogan for a pun.

“Geez Donald,” Hillary covered her eyes before moving at an inhuman speed. Before Donald had time to react, she grabbed the flashlight out of his hand and effortlessly crushed it. “It has to be natural light!” 

“Well I knew that! I always knew that.” Donald protested. Hillary rolls her eyes at his denial, not buying it a bit. “And I also know vampires can't sleep.”

“Wrong! We still need to sleep, we just sleep during the day.”

“Twilight is just a movie Donald, it's not a documentary.”

“Shut up Kaine, I’ll have you know Stephanie did research for her book.”

“If by research you mean she got her “facts” out of her head then yeah I guess she did some research.” Hillary retorted.

“So if you can sleep then how are you able to do all this campaigning? Explain that you crooked bloodsucker. I caught you in yet another lie!”

Hillary calmly took out a bottle with some pills still in it from a pocket and held it in from if him, “Sunlight pills. They allow a vamp to walk in the sunlight without being destroyed. Plus some vamps depending on the job still have to sleep at night.”

Donald didn't say anything immediately as he was taking in the info while Hillary put the bottle away. It was expected to both her and Tim really that he may still accuse them of covering up some evil truth. Which to the surprise of no one really is exactly what he did. 

“This is all just lies Hillary, you just don't want the world knowing…”

“World? So we're running for president of Earth now?” Hillary quipped with a teasing grin, cutting off Donald for a second there.

“You know very well what I meant Hillary! You just don't want the American public to know if your evil agenda! I caught you now and I'm gonna expose you. This had been a long time coming, and and this all started back when your husband was president. You just want the entire Clinton administration to be filled with nothing but your kind so you can easily push laws that would oppress all us mortals!”

“Except for that to make even a little bit of sense I, along with 80-85 percent of Congress, would have to have been vampires at the time. I didn't get changed until the year 2000.”

“Well how do you explain Barack Obama then? You're just continuing his work, you and all of your little vamp buddies are in this together.”

“You just implied all of the Democrats are vampires...” Hillary pointed out with a look,” And Obama wasn't even one of us until two months ago. His wife changed him.”

“Well it's still a conspiracy, a world wide one!”

“You honestly think all of the vampires in the world are together in some huge conspiracy to enslave all of humankind?” Tim asked for clarification, not believing what he is hearing at the moment. “I'm getting a headache, I can't process all of the things wrong with that claim.”

“You just don't realize it because Hillary has you under her vampire power. You have been ever since Hillary picked you as Vice President.”

“I should file that in my list of idiotic things I've heard about us. We don't have that much long lasting hypnotic power, it lasts only 6, 8 hours at best. Though admittedly there are rumors of some real ancient vampires able to hold a trance for a full 24 hours. But even then humans under a trance won't remember anything they did under it, they won't be aware of doing whatever a vamp told them too.” Hillary explained.

“I can still remember clear as day what I did after receiving news that I'm gonna be Vice President.” Tim added with a strong, but clear voice.

“Well I got other tricks up my sleeve, like this!” Donald said as he brought out a silver ball and waved it in front of her. Tim could only chuckled and shake his head a bit while Hillary just stared at him.

Donald just kept waving it around for a second and even waving the silver ball in front of Tim, “I'm not hearing any hissing in pain, why am I not hearing any?”

“That works on werewolves, not vampires.”

“Oh...right I knew that,” Donald said not admitting to his mistake as usual. He put the ball in one of his pockets before bringing out a metal stake and pointing it towards Hillary.

“Well you got that one right at least,” Hillary conceded with a calm voice, looking at the stake before back at Donald, “It would be more effective if it was wooden though, wood hurts a vampire a lot more than metal does.”

“Well it’s pointy isn’t it?! I can still drive this stake into your cold, cold lying blood loving heart!”

“I suppose there’s a point there,” Hillary said with only a second pause before she kicked the stake out of his hand and caught it in her hand in no time at all.

“Hey, give that back Hillary!” Donald demanded. Hillary didn’t say anything, just opting to bend the stake in front of him with ease until the metal weapon was twisted and mangled beyond repair. Donald’s eyes grew wide with fright as she finished off the little demonstration of vampire strength with putting the stake on the floor and breaking it into pieces with her foot.

“You..you stay away from me you evil bloodsucking heathen!” Donald said as he started to back up quickly before turning to run to the elevators, intending to get as far away from Hillary, and well Bill too, as possible. 

A couple of seconds later however Donald suddenly starting yelling as he ran off down the hallway to the sanctuary of his room. The sight honestly caused Tim and Hillary to laugh once more as a confused Bill stepped into view, “What the heck did I miss?”

“Hillary demonstrated her vampiric strength to Donald just before you arrived.” Tim replied with another small laughter, “He also really doesn’t know as much as he thinks about you guys.”

“People like him are unfortunately really stubborn like that when it comes to what is and isn’t vampire fact. I learned that pretty dang quickly when I got changed.” Bill said. The couple and Tim then parted ways to their rooms for the night not to long afterwards.

Only a couple or so more weeks until the crazy election can come to an end.


End file.
